As a boy mom, I sometimes wonder if I am being too tough. Am I spending enough time parenting? Am I doing enough activities? Am I being a good mom? These questions constantly bubble up and I’m often left to think that I surely could do more. But at what expense? Would that mean less output at work? Less sleep? An untidy house? So many issues can arise without having a proper balance.
This is why I’m looking forward to Ramadan, the ninth month of the Islamic year, which this year begins on March 22. For Muslims like myself, it’s a time to reset. While much of the world is setting goals and resolutions on Jan. 1, for me that time is Ramadan — and time I’m using to focus on entering a new dimension as a mother.
Most folks would equate Ramadan with being a time in which Muslims are fasting from food and drink, but it’s so much more than that. Ramadan comes from the Arabic word “ramad,” which reflects the intense heat of the sun.
This heat is supposed to embody the struggle that humans can go through for refinement. In the fast-paced world that we’re in, we’re always programmed to go go go; there’s little time to just pause and reflect. Ramadan will be the perfect opportunity for me to take a step back and consider how I’m modeling myself as a mom. So what does that entail?
This Ramadan, one of my goals is to try my best to not lose my temper or raise my voice at my kids. When you have a threenager with endless questions and no regard for their surroundings, it can be a tall order to maintain patience. Snapping at your kiddo is easier to do than maintaining a calm composure.
Because Ramadan is all about personal development and reflection, it also makes me ponder what it is I’m instilling within. I want to mother in a kind and compassionate way so that my boys will be willing to readily give to those in need in any capacity they have. You have to give a little of yourself to purify what you already have. To do this, I will make sure my sons have opportunities to donate both in a physical and spiritual sense.
The life of mothers during Ramadan is very different from others who observe, especially if you have young ones. Energy is limited for all, but tending to little children can be exhausting. To remedy this, I make sure to have activities prepped so that we can dive right in. I will also engage in physical activities, such as jumping and skipping at home (my toddler pretends to be the Gingerbread Man and likes running matches), moderately.
The night prayers at the masjid, or mosque, usually fall during bedtime for kids, which means moms often miss out of these gatherings. Instead of feeling upset about this, I will change my perspective to view it as an opportunity to get more done at home when all is silent. This also means I can hold prayers with my kids at home in a fun way, like using different prayer mats and even building forts with bedsheets and pillows so it’s an adventure for them.
Lastly, I will make sure that the Ramadan spirit is reverberating throughout my home. How to do this? Along with putting up moon and star décor to make the house festive, I plan to mimic what happens in the masjid at home. This will mean actively reciting the Quran with my kids. It also means doing more dhikr, or remembrance, through a tasbih (similar to rosary beads). In the process, I hope I will improve myself by embracing this phase of life that I am in as a Muslim mom. I hope, too, that my children will cherish this time and look back on it with fond memories.
